What We Allow

This morning I had something happen that hurt my feelings.  Someone I work with was treated differently than I was and I allowed it to make me feel unappreciated and as if I was not being treated fairly.

If you read that sentence again, you will see the most important words in it - I allowed.  The way that we feel is all based on what we allow.  Be it through the actions of others or through our very own thoughts.  Phrases like "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" and "You are only as happy as you make up your mind to be" come to mind now that I've had a little while to think about what happened.

When we experience feelings of being treated differently, we really need to stop and analyze the situation. Is the difference in treatment real or perceived?  Sometimes it is truly real and we are being treated differently than someone else.  Sometimes it is a product of our own feelings of not belonging or inequality that we transfer those feelings onto the situation and thereby blame someone else for how we are feeling.

Practicing self-attribution may be one of the easiest ways to avoid the kinds of feelings I had this morning.  In self-attribution, we attribute feelings, thoughts, accomplishments, failures to our own actions rather than to the actions of others.  These are internal attributions.  "I am unhappy because I feel that I am not treated the same" or "I am unhappy because I think I was treated unfairly."  Not external attributions such as "I am unhappy because person X treated person Y differently than they did me" or "I am unhappy because person X said or did this."

If we are unhappy or have hurt feelings, a closer look as to the why and who are needed in order to assure that we are not ALLOWING something else or someone else to cause us to feel this way.  If we allow it, surely it is bound to come to pass.  If however, we refuse to allow something else or someone else to dictate our feelings, our happiness, our lives, the outcome will be much different.

All we can control in in our lives is our own lives.  Our responsibility lies within the confines of our own lives. We cannot control what someone else says or does.  We cannot control situations that are outside of our control.  Control is internal.  Attribution has to be internal.  "I am responsible for my happiness today" or "I am responsible for my feelings today."

Blame only takes away your ability to take control.  Take a step back, take a deep breath and then be sure of what you allow.