How Rude!

Over the past few years I have noticed a trend that seems to be growing every day and that trend is people being rude.  Manners, tact, kindness, decency have taken a back seat to rude, unthinking, mean, and generally low class behavior and not just among the young.

Working in a high school I get to see every possible kind of behavior one can imagine on a daily basis.  It is displayed in both staff and students.  Bad manners and rude behavior are not hard to spot because in general the people doing it WANT to be seen and heard.  It is almost as if people wear their rudeness as a badge of honor.  Can they out-rude everyone else and perhaps be noticed or better still end up on YouTube because as we all know that is the pinnacle of existence anymore.

I find that people who are rude all the time do it for a wide variety of reasons.  To be seen and heard.  To mask their own insecurity.  Because they believe it shows strength over others.  Because they haven't had anyone teach them any better.  Because they mimic what they see most.  Rude people tend to hang out with other rude people and befriend other rude people because those people aren't going to look down on what they say and do and they may even applaud it.  Rude adults usually take great offense at being told they are rude because they never believe that they are.

Years ago, children were raised with manners as part of their daily training.  They were expected to behave politely, kindly and with decency.  If they did not they faced the ire of the parents on the home front and in society they were shunned for it.  Now, as rude behavior is everywhere we look, it becomes "acceptable" or easy to overlook or to just say "well that's how things are."

If we want a more peaceful, a more kind, a more tolerant society then we have to get back to believing that rude behavior is wrong in all circumstances.  It is because we have allowed rude behavior such as name calling, gossip, unkindness, no tolerance, racism and a host of others that we find ourselves in a society where rude behavior is the norm and politeness, kindness, and decency when seen are shocking to our system.

Everyone is so afraid to hold people accountable for their behavior because everybody and everything has to be accepted and not judged and no offense taken. I think if more of us were to say to someone with rude behavior that's ugly, that's mean, that's unkind, that doesn't make you a good person, then perhaps we would start to see less of it.  And if we were to say something when we see goo behavior, perhaps we would see more of that too.

Greener Grass

I spent most of the day fighting a wicked head cold and watching movies.  Well watching one movie more than once.  Gone With the Wind playing all day and it caused me to make a few observations about life.

Scarlet O'Hara's main problem was that she always thought the grass was greener somewhere else.  Her "ideal" was always better in her mind than what she had right in front of her.  The life she imagined was always what she thought she wanted only to find out in the end that the life she truly wanted was hers all along she was just too blind to see it.  How like most of our lives that story is!

Most of us go through life always wanting something else rather than what we have.  Constantly finding fault with our situation, our lot in life.  Always thinking that if we just had more money, if we were prettier or more handsome, if we had bigger boobs or less fat, if we had this or that person in our lives or out of it, a bigger house, a nicer car, a different town.  Always the greener grass beckoning in every corner of our minds.  Never satisfied with where we are or with what we have or who we are with.

Even if we have a house to live in, car to drive, job to go to, healthy children, a partner who loves us....always we are seeking that something we think we are missing.  As if that one thing or things will make us complete.  That whatever it is is the thing we need, the thing we truly want.  There are even those of us who believe that we are truly unhappy without whatever it is.  In reality, we are unhappy because we choose to be unhappy with what we have.

It has been my experience that the grass is never greener in any situation.  It may look greener and shinier and prettier and better....but guess what it's still just the same grass you're standing on right now and guess what else, it comes with all kinds of other things that may not reside in your current patch of grass.  What if your supposed better job comes with a crappy boss.  What if your supposed better house comes with taxes you find hard to pay. What if your supposed better partner comes with all kinds of unseen baggage.  Nothing is ever what your mind makes it out to be.  The truth is always much different in the light of day outside of the "imagined" greenery.

At this time of Thanksgiving, perhaps we should reflect more on the grass on which we stand.  Perhaps we should look for what is good and green on our own grass patch before we try and find this imaginary greener grass.

Listen To Me

In a world of less and less actual face to face talking, I find that more and more all anyone wants is someone to listen to them.  Really listen.

It is becoming more and more obvious that people hold a lot in because really there's only so much you can say in a text message.  And a text message isn't going to convey all the emotion behind what you're saying I don't care how many emoticons you use.  However, as more and more of us use text to communicate so much more is lost in translation and even more goes unsaid and unheard.

I have learned while working in a high school that kids seem to be most affected by this as they use text much more than adults on average.  They use it for everything to communicate with everyone.  Their friends, their parents, their grandparents if they have them, everyone.  There is no actual speaking to someone face to face.  And many of them are crying out for someone to listen to them in other ways through actions and reactions.

A wonderful experiment would be to put down all electronic devices for a day and actually talk to people face to face, one on one and actually take the time to listen to the words.  Make an actual phone call to someone who lives far away.  Write a letter to an old friend or family member.  Speak to people.  I think it would change lives.

At school when a student comes to talk to me even to say hello, I always try to get them to say more by asking questions, opening up the dialogue.  I encourage them to speak to me....and I always try and take the time to listen.  If more of us did the same with our own friends, co-workers, and yes our very own families, we might find our relationships growing stronger, meaning more, helping someone in need.  Try it....speak and listen today.

Who You Are

Some people like to think that it's only teenagers that judge others based on looks, money, intelligence, clothes, cars, pick a category.  Some people think that only teenagers form cliques of like minded sheep.  Unfortunately, most adults do it as well.

Judging others is like a sport for some people.  They take what they think is how someone is supposed to be, live, do and transfer it to everyone else.  If other people don't fit their mold, then those people are belittled, shunned, talked about behind their backs, and treated absolutely horribly in a lot of cases.  These are grown people I'm talking about well over the age of a teenager some even into their 50s and beyond.

These people think that by pointing out the flaws in everyone else their own flaws become less noticeable.  There are even those who believe they have no flaws.  Most though I believe do it out of a huge sense of their own insecurities and thoughts about their own lives.

They attack those who are trying to better themselves saying that the person is too old to be trying to get a college degree.  Yes I've had it said about me.  They attack gay people.  They attack poor people.  They attack overweight people.  They attack just about everyone some of these people and they never think it's unkind or uncalled for.  Some even think they are helping people become better by pointing out their "flaws."

Judging someone else does not define who they are it defines who YOU are.  When we judge someone else for whatever reason it defines what lies truly within us.  Do we love others?  Do we treat others the way we want to be treated?  Or do we attack, condemn, gossip?  What we say and do about and towards others does not define who they are.  No, it defines who we are, who you are.

You cannot control what someone else says or does.  You cannot control the workplace gossip.  You cannot control the bigot, the hater, the envious, the mean.  There is only one person you can control and that is yourself. One person's mind, one person's tongue.  You have the power to define who you are.

Ripples

Let's say you feed someone today who is hungry.  Then that person, now no longer hungry, decides to not break into someone's house and rob them for things to sell for food.  Then the homeowner does not shoot the would be thief and take away a child's father and have to live with killing someone who was hungry for the rest of his life.  And on and on and on it goes.

In life everything ripples.  What you do and what you don't do.  It all has an effect.  Not just on your immediate space but out into the infinite.  The choices you make, the actions you take ripple out to affect every one else.  You may not see it.  You may not even think about it.  But it happens nevertheless.  It is a reaction to what you do, what you say, what you choose.

Most people only live in the right now.  They cannot see what happens in the future.  They cannot look out and watch the ripples of their actions as they move across time and space to reach countless others.  If they did and if they could, most people would make very different choices in life, take very different actions.  But for most their only concern is right now and what it will do or not do for them in that moment.  It is the way most humans are and have always been.  Is it any wonder why the ripples aren't so lovely a lot of the time?

On your very next choice today or your very next decision to action, think about what that decision is going to do outside of your very own ripple.  Consider for just one second that what you are saying, doing, choosing and how it is going to ripple out.

THINK
T= Is it true?
H= Is it helpful?
I= Is it inspiring?
N= Is it necessary?
K= Is it kind?

Just taking the time to THINK can make all the difference in your own ripple and the ripples of countless others you cannot even imagine.  What are your ripples going to be today?

A Helping Hand

I attended my first Billings Senior High school football game on Friday night and I was struck by several things while watching.  Surprisingly, some were football related and some were life related and at the end I realized, maybe football is a metaphor for life itself.

Coach Chris Murdock and his staff are doing a great job with the team so far this year.  It's a whole new situation for both he and the players and they all seem to be handling it very well.  The team is now 2-1 on the year and in both wins they have been convincingly strong. The game was exciting with the score being close at times and with some really big plays from both the offense and defense.  I can't wait for the next home game!

While watching the game I noticed that many of the players play both sides of the ball, offense and defense.  They are used in a multitude of ways and on a wide variety of plays.  There's a lot being thrown at them in those short minutes of the game and they have to be able to multi-task without error if they want to win the game.  Such is life as well.  So much is going on every minute of the day.  People are asked to do many things at one time and they are expected to do so without error with more and more being added to the plate at any given moment.  Football teaches both the players and the watchers that multi-tasking is just an expected part of life.

As I watched more of the game, I also noticed that sometimes a great play or player can go virtually unnoticed but it makes a big difference in the outcome.  As in life, sometimes in the background someone can do something or create something that makes a huge difference in how things work but it can go unnoticed by those it affects.  Does it make it any less worthy?  Of course not.  This teaches both the watchers and the players that sometimes you may not get credit for doing something good or right but it doesn't mean you shouldn't keep on doing it.  Doing what's right or good is never wrong even if no one sees or you never get that pat on the back.

The last thing and possibly the most important was a helping hand.  Football is a rough game.  You are going to take a lot of hard knocks.  More than once, however, I saw the player who did the tackling extend a hand to help up the one he had knocked down.  More than once, I saw the player who did the knocking pat the knocked down on the back as if to say, good job.  So it is in life.  It is a rough go every day, for some much more than others.  Constantly getting knocked down.  How wonderful is it when someone extends a helping hand? Just that little bit of helping you back up as if to say okay so you got knocked down, here I will help you get back up and this time I know you will not get knocked down again by the same thing.  What if everyone had a helping hand every day?  How much more successful would we all be as a result?

Football is like life in so many ways.  It teaches both the watchers and the players that things get difficult sometimes, that you get knocked down, that you may have to fight harder to win and that sometimes you lose, but in the end there's a helping hand to pick you up and help you start again.  I can't wait for the next game!

Walk A Mile

We have all heard the saying "walk a mile in someone else's shoes" probably more times than we can remember in our lives.  But how many of us have actually taken the time to do so BEFORE we make assumptions about the person? I would venture to say it's a very, very small percentage.

So quick most of us are to make assumptions about the people we see each and every day.  Most of us will move to a conclusion in a matter of nanoseconds about the why of what someone looks like or what they are doing before we ever think about the why from inside their shoes.

The guy on the corner with a sign asking for money or help.  What's your first assumption?  Is it that he really needs the money? Go ahead tell the truth to yourself right now.  For many of us, the assumption is that he's doing it to make money, like it's his job.  Or that he's doing it for money for drugs or alcohol.  Or that his life choices landed him there and he's responsible for his plight in life.  Or hundreds of other assumptions.  Do we stop to take his shoes and put them on and actually try and find out the truth of WHY?  Not likely.  Most of us will drive right on by.

The teenage girl who is pregnant.  What's your first assumption? Is it that she wanted to get pregnant on purpose? Is it that she chose not to use protection so she deserves the outcome? Is it that she must sleep around a lot and it was bound to happen? Is it because she wanted to hold on to a guy? Take her shoes and find out the truth of WHY.

The person on welfare.  What are your first thoughts?  That they are too lazy to work?  That they want the government and thereby you to support them?  That they buy cigarettes and alcohol and then the government (and you) pay for everything else? That they chose this life? Put your feet in their shoes and find out the truth of WHY.

Most of us make assumptions every day about others we encounter.  People we do not know at all.  Have never met.  Never talked to.  People that just pass by and we make judgments on their lives in a fleeting second based on our own beliefs, prejudices, bigotry, and yes hatred.  Most of us never take the time to slip out of our own comfortable existence to put on shoes that might not fit and find out the truth of the WHY and many of us who do this call ourselves Christians.  Many of us say the phrase, judge not lest ye be judged but we never, ever practice it in reality.  We never walk a mile or a minute or a microsecond in another's shoes before we assume.  How about today?